


Leather And Embers

by Kylosuwubiatch



Category: Journey to Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Choking, DEATH AND VIOLENCE, Degradation, Dominant Kylo Ren, Enjoy!, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), God have mercy on my soul, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jakku, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kyloxreader - Freeform, Lack of Communication, NSFW, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Tatooine (Star Wars), Whump, based on my Spotify playlist, death of children, im going to hell for writing this, lack of aftercare, stormtroopers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25555240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylosuwubiatch/pseuds/Kylosuwubiatch
Summary: You were taken from your home planet Jakku to serve the First Order under the command of Kylo Ren, as a Stormtrooper.Little did you know that becoming a Stormtrooper meant "killing people" which was not of your liking, so the best Stormtrooper trained you every night, she was also called Phasma.One night you stumble into the one and only Kylo Ren, and after that meeting your life would never be the same again.
Relationships: Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/You, ben solo/Kylo Ren/you
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Let The Past Die

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! thank you for reading this story, I am all new here så this is my first artwork  
> hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first search, your first official duty as a Stormtrooper. How did it go? badly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter bbys
> 
> WARNING: In this chapter will occur death of a child. Stop reading at "NF-3467, come on" to "Calum reached out a hand" then you can continue again after the :DD

You woke up, salty water drops filling your pillow beyond the ocean with tears. A flashback, a nightmare what could it be? You wiped away the cold sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand, you looked around. Confused. What time was it? 0307, almost dawn, almost a new day at work.

Gazing out of the window from your room on The Finalizer, but all you saw was darkness, a cold nothing that filled you up from the inside and left you numb, frustrated... why couldn't you remember your name? Your family? Even your dreams? All you remembered were those green eyes, those hands reaching for yours as you got dragged onto the ship, the scream that slipped from your lips when you realised you were gone.

Now the life as a Stormtrooper eats you up, having to put on a mask every single day to hide behind slowly takes away who you are, even on the darkest days you can hear the echo of footsteps in the hallway. The screams... from people being slaughtered by the hand of Stormtroopers, you could never do it... never! You could not look into a civilians eyes and shoot them, your heart is too big for burdens of other peoples lives on your shoulders. you are a failure to The First Order, a failure to the family you were forced to leave behind.

For the rest of that night you couldn't sleep, the fact of nightmares and your first shift on Tatooine made your guts shift.

"FN-3467, put on your helmet we are leaving on the Command Shuttle in 15 minutes."

Captain Phasma the head leader, you were going to die if you didn't do as you were told. You put on your helmet and started marching with the others to the Command Shuttle.

Your stomach was churning on the way to the Command Shuttle, all these other stormtrooper with hidden identities scared you, are they even real? You can hear the small talk between them all, they are talking about the so called 'Kylo Ren'. You had heard about him before, but never really gave it much of a thought... he was there, and you should not get into trouble with that man. 

You stepped onto the ship at your arrival, it was bigger than you thought for a 'single ship' pilot. You got seated by the back beside two other stormtroopers.

"So... it's your first time on here, huh?"

you turned to face the person who had just spoken, a taller person than you or so they seemed.

"hmm... yeah, this is my first time out of The Finalizer for a bigger search" 

they nodded, starting to tap their feet.

"You know me and my pal here NH-2442 also called Calum, if you want we can guide you through your first search?" 

Calum nodded violently beside them, waving and whining under the mask 

"Thank you guys, much appreciated!... So Calum aaand?" 

"Oh gosh! my bad i'm NT-6645 but you can call me Mista! How about... You?" 

she tilted her head a little, looking through my helmet

"oh ehmm, I am just me I guess? number NF-3467... I don't remember my name"

You looked down but also gave them both a gentle wave, a slight chuckle from her error, of forgetting to introduce herself.

suddenly she shouted _your_ name 

"That is what we are going to call you by!"

she looked at Calum, whom nodded and I could feel his smile behind his mask.

You started fidgeting with your fingers as the ship jumped into lightspeed to reach the wanted destination, Tatooine.

"Stormtroopers listen up! we are now landing on Tatooine. The search today is about finding any prove or suspect of illegal use of blasters etc. buckle up, it's going to be a rough day!"

Everyone stood up and grabbed their blaster from the hanging wall, ready to fight the battle themselves by forcing deaths upon them. Calum and Mista waved me with them

"Come on! don't leave Mista and me behind" 

they ran off the ramp out into the village, you could already hear the screams from the civilians. you covered you ears over the mask, inside grimacing the pain you felt scratch your heart out till you bled out in front of your own eyes 

"NF-3467, come on. We don't have all day, you fight or die. your choice, I trained you for this from the age of 1 year old. Get lost now." 

You swallowed the clump of terror in your throat and went outside, you could hear the blasters go off in the distant, see the red flimmer for your eyes when they shot through the air. you ran out to find Calum and Mista, but you couldn't they were already gone, beyond the village now. you decided to go into one of the clay houses, small and crowded with old metal junks of old stranded ships, with the smell of a quarter portion of a meal laying around. They ran away... or they died before eating up. You looked through the old books on the top shelf made of acorn wood, there were children books of Master Jedi Luke Skywalker and other stuff from the Resistance. 

You turned around on your heels, when you met the eyes of a child holding dearly onto his blanket, tears streaming down his cheeks all puffy red eyes looking for mercy in the darkness of my helmet.

"My papa and mama... t-they are gone... please make them stop, I beg you!"

He tugged at your armor on your wrist, sniffling hard into his blanket. Those begging eyes needing you to listen to him, but you had to stand upright... no sign of weakness.

"listen pumpkin... I-I don't want to hur-.."

"What are you doing FN-3467?! Shoot him." 

Phasma looked at me, nodded and left.

you took your blaster from your belt, holding it in front of the little boys forehead, hands shaking to the rhythm of your beating heart. he kept holding onto you, he would not let you go. his little eyes looking through a peek-a-boo hoping for a sign of mercy... you had no choice. The terror wouldn't end because of you saving this boy, and who would pick him up? All he loved so dearly died for the hand of cold hearted Stormtroopers.

"I am so sorry Pumpkin... it's your time to go now"

You pulled the trigger right between his eyes, and his last act of humanity was a baby teeth smile, a tear drop down his red cheek and a whispering _I forgive you._

You fell to your knees, sobbing hitching for air to fill your lungs with something other than regret. You took off your helmet, tossed it across the room your hands covering your tears developing in the corner of your eyes until you gave in to the waterfall of sorrow. You killed af child.

"Gosh... who am I? a failure... I'm sorry mom and dad, sorry for the act. please forgive me" 

I heard my name from the distant, getting louder as it arrived the door 

"You coming? the ramp is closing in 5... also put on your helmet. no sign of weakness, remember?"

Calum reached out a hand to help me stand up on my feet, still trembling when you stood up on your legs walking to the ramp. but right before they closed the door, a smell of leather came with the breeze, a smell you remembered, from where though? 

The ship arrived back on the Finalizer, the day had already passed now it was already 0100 time for another day, or so as to tell you would turn in sick for a few days before coming back again. you walked down the hallway which seemed like forever in these black corridors, with the sound of your footsteps echo growing louder, like surround sound. you stopped in front of your quarters just looking into the bare steel door, no thoughts, no emotions just emptiness. 

You walked in and took of you armor threw it on the ground beside your concrete bed, turned on the bathroom lights got naked, turned on the water. the hot water caressing your soft peach skin, falling down around your human body like a weighted blanket giving you comfort, like your mother rocking you to sleep. you couldn't help but smile and cry at the same time, how did you end up here? you could have been so much more or a junk gather on Jakku, it goes both ways. but right now in this moment, a warm and loveable life would not be so bad. you walked out from the bath with your night dress on, dirt grey with a bit of white stripes on from being worn and washed so many times before. You sat on your bed elbows on your knees face up with your eyes, gazing for answers. When you hear your door slam open, you stoop upright the millisecond you heard it

"NF-3467! You showed weakness today, on your first search, haven't I trained you enough? Are you betraying The First Order?"

"No! of course not... I think I am getting the flu, my muscles hurted today on the search and I-I just couldn't function.... could I get this week off?" 

Phasma looked at you and started circling around you like a wasp around the queen bee, you could almost sense her breath down your spine so close she was you didn't dare to breathe. 

"Let go then... but I must report about your behaviour to the Commander. It's the rules. I'll set up a meeting next week, until then stay safe. we will start your training again, just in case the light side touched you a little. Goodnight." 

she walked out of the room again, relived you exhaled one big breath before returning to your bed. what a day. 

The clock: 0307.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, byeee!


	2. Remember Who You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could they be new friends? or are they too caught up with the dark side?... only time will show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!

Your head had been replaying the death of the young child on repeat in your mind, like a vinyl player stuck on a line. It was killing you but all you could do was to rest the week out, enjoy the free time and maybe seek out Calum and Mista. 

As you walk towards the cafeteria for Stormtroopers you see everyones faces, it is here they can be themselves, no mask, no armour... Just them. You scanned around for a free seat as you walked down from the food stand... hmmm, there is nowhere to sit. You heard your name being yelled from the other end 

"Come over here! Calum and I misses you!"

For a moment you just stood there, lost in your own mind. Calum saw you. crying only two days ago... he saw your weakness, the bare feelings of a pure heart.

"Hey guys! thought you forgot about me" 

You gave out a slight chuckle to tease a answer from both of them 

"Of course not. Mista and I just had to fix something for General Hux yesterday"

"What were you fixing exactly? I mean that man can't be really nice towards some simple Troopers? right?"

Glancing at both of them with curious eyes, you only remembered that Hux calls for assistance for killing someone or something...

"Oh.. yeah, the Stormtroopers from the West wing found a droid from the resistance. They believe it might carry an important message, so we must go on another search. like us in the North wing." 

You looked at Mista, the North end? that meant you too, again you had to go on a search. You held your breath for a second but it felt like hours before you dared to answer.

"S-so like we _all_ have to go? when is it? like I'm snot feeling well these days so..."

Calum took your hand and caressed the back of it with his thumb, slowly looking into your eyes filled with the terror from the last search. You didn't know where to look or what to do with the other hand og body language. You tried to act cool, by touching your messy bun. With serious eyes Calum said your name gently, locking your eyes together. 

"Listen, you need to remember who you are."

Mista looked at Calum confused, what did he know that she didn't?

"You are not the 1 year old girl who got taken away from her family, you are FN-3467 a Stormtrooper. I saw how you had mercy on that little kid... if you continue to show these signs..."

He stopped for a second, and took a deep breath in

"You know what will happen! Phasma will bring you to the Commander, and god knows what he _will_ do!" 

He yelled at you, almost spitting every word out between his teeth. You felt your heart skip a beat when you realised that he wasn't mad, he just cared enough about you already to give his opinion. He squeezed your hand tight, almost too tight. 

"Is this true? You showed weakness, on the field? oh gosh..."

Mista gave you a hug from across the table leaning her face in between the gap in your neck, gave you a little kiss and a big bear hug before letting you go. The last time you felt this much affection was when you casual trained with a chilhood roommate when you were 11 years old, you couldn't remember his face or name but you were certain that he would remember the kiss when you both fell to the floor, you on top of him and followed with a big hug. It might be what? 9 years ago now, but you could still remember it and you hoped that when you meet him again, he would too. 

You just nodded haltingly.

"Actually... Phasma is planning a meeting with the Commander. She saw me hesitating going off the ramp, and I need to start training under her again" 

You gave out a big sigh, like that would help them understand that it didn't really pressure you that much. They just looked at each other, exchanged different glances to each other, some really arduous to understand. 

"You mean _the_ Kylo fucking Ren!?"

Mista stared at you with eagle eyes, ready to set her claws into your raw flesh. Calum dozed off within himself, just looking at you through squeezed eyes.

"Have you heard that NO ONE, and I mean _no one_ has ever seen his face? he could be a total hottie!"

Calum judged Mista with his eyes, rolling them up to the galaxy in another solar system.

"Mista.."

He facepalmed himself 

"You know that he was the trainee under Snoke, who was trained by the great Sith Darth Sidious who is the Palpatine bloodline. And you are thinking about his face? pick yourself up man, you know what he can do. He killed Snoke, he can kill you too."

You observed the tension between the two of them, how Mista almost died of laughter and Calum just being confused for a whole minute before she spoke.

"Idiot! I was joking of course. That man will never or shall never lay hands on me and I dare not look at him when he pass by me..." 

They turned to me, eyes blinking synchronously, heads tilting a little. 

"Well, Guys I have to go now, you know the sickness won't cure itself out here. I am going to lay on my bed" 

Before they could say anything you went off to your quarters, down the silly long hallway once again in your silly dress and in your silly shoes. Your hair wiggling as your body made small jumps on the way. 

All of a sudden your knees became jelly and you fell to the floor in the middle of the bridge connecting the Head quarters and the working area, you couldn't stand on your feet or move any muscles. You were latched onto the floor like a suction cup, determined on not letting go any time soon. You felt your heart longing, reaching out for something that wasn't there but you could feel it, smell it, almost taste it... Leather. A flashback came through behind your eyelids when lying in fetus position still on the floor, when green lights flashed before you with the glimpse of two moons collapsed onto each other and a star destroyer flying off into the distant space. A baby being held between the arms of a mother, a loving family... gone before anyone could do anything about it. 

A white reddish glimpse woke you up from your flashback or nightmare in awake condition, faster than lightspeed you stood up on your legs. Shivering underneath you, the smell still stuck in your nostrils like something so familiar that you just _wanted,_ something so far away that you thought just was the after effects of two days ago. 

After strolling down the hallway you reached your quarters, with a deep sigh you opened it. Apart from the same old dusty room with grey steel walls and the tiny window, something was off... you checked the bathroom, the kitchen, even under your bed. No one was there. However _on_ the bed there was a letter folded in a triangle, you unfolded it and out fell a little key painted black with oil painting; fresh Painting. the first thing you saw was your name written with red ink, on old dusty paper signed with the Logo of The First Order

_It is in best place that we shall see you tomorrow night at the end of the North wing first door to the right_

_HAH! got you sup? it is Mista and Calum! Wanna meet up at me and Calum's secret spot tomorrow?_

_Let's be friends! meet us there at 0800 in the evening_

_Byee!_

_lots of love Mista (...and Calum)_

Phew... you were ready to face the end there, the end of your god damn life. Darth... They had me scared. A silent humpf before turning to see the clock right above your door, ticking so loudly your ears heard the ticking in your sleep. shit... it's already 0307, how does the day go by so fast? 

You laid on your back in your bed looking up at your little glow in the dark star stickers, they made it effortless to fall asleep, just with the right yawn and off you went into the galaxy of dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share this fanfic around, things are about to get spicy!
> 
> Also sorry for using the sentence "messy bun"
> 
> thx uu!


	3. A Warm Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A room search? mysterious opinions from Calum and Mista, what's that all about?

You woke up from a loud banging on your door, almost hitting the inner corners of your brain 

"Security search! Open up!"

You rolled out of your bed onto the cold floor with your bare feet, sending shivers up your spine like spiders crippling in the dark. You opened your door and in rolled at least 5 elite Stormtroopers, ready to search every corner of your living diary. What were they searching for? Your underwear drawer for some mysterious metal thingies, that would help the resistance overpower The First Order? After being on this ship, between the many other too of course, you have never experienced a search before in someones quarters, not to say the least _your_ quarters. 

They turned over your mattress, duvet and pillows, searching. They went to your bathroom, looked everywhere in everything, under over and in your shower cabin. They even looked in the package to your pads. You felt so exposed and embarrassed, like they stripped you down and asked you to touch yourself in front of them. 

"W-what are you guys looking for? Maybe I can help you?" 

They all stopped and looked at me, all but one who turned around slowly.

"We were sent here by General Hux and The Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren."

You took in a deep breath... _the_ Supreme Leader. What did he want from you? A silly Stormtrooper, who didn't even know why you were here.

"What does he want from me? I have nothing to offer yet nothing to hide either, so tell me _why are you here?_ "

"Listen up FN-3467, Commander Ren said he could feel something... Something from inside this room. He thought it might be a droid"

You gave him a confused grimace, a droid? In your room? You couldn't help yourself but laugh at such an answer. If you were to have a droid you would've kept it somewhere very safe! some place where such idiots could never find it, like the space capsule on deck level 00. 

"I-im sorry, but I have nothing here... I think The Supreme Leader has me mistaken with someone else."

He looked at you, scanned your face with a slight tilt to the right. You could almost see his eyes, how they ran over your body in your night dress with your hair loose down your shoulder. 

"Very well... I'll tell General Hux that nothing was here. Come on troopers, we're leaving!"

They all marched out from your quarters, one by one your room was empty again. All torn apart, but empty. 

You gave out a relieved sigh finally able to breathe normally again after such events. How could Kylo Ren mistake you from being someone who wasn't loyal to The First Order? Because it could not be you, right? Out of all the troopers, he wanted to search your room? nope... not possible.

You looked at the clock, it was only 0600 in the evening a lot of time to go until it was 0800. So why not make the best out of it until then? You jumped into your cafeteria clothes, which was a dark grey sweater and some loose military jeans in light grey. You stumbled out of your room down the hallway, ready to get some of that self baking bread with water, you were starving! But as you walked down the long corridors you couldn't help yourself but thinking about, if you were the _right_ person Kylo Ren had sent troopers after? What if you actually possessed something he was after? Something so valuable that he'd never settled until he had it? 

As you reached the cafeteria there was no one there, it was all empty. The only one who seemed to exist was the droid working behind the food stand. So you went over to her, a class three servant droid with the name GPO-8, she always just stood there almost as she was behind bars. But you liked her a lot, you almost took her for a friend of yours on the lonely nights, but never _this_ lonely though. You took a plate from the stack on the corner, placed it on the bar in front of you and she started scooping food on your plate. You tried to look behind her to see if there was anyone in the back, but no one.

"GPO-8 where is everyone tonight? it's normal dinner time now. Do you know anything?"

She said your name shocked 

"Ah! There you are it's been awhile! well you see young trooper... I don't know, maybe another search? I mean you are _sick"_

She blinked at you, she knew way too well when you weren't sick. Or didn't feel like killing people every hour around the clock. 

"Well I guess I'll just eat alone today"

You gave out a slight chuckle to brief the tension of loneliness you felt creeping in your chest.

"Well darling! if it weren't for those two new friends of yours you'd always been eating alone, just to clarify things"

You smiled at her with gentle eyes and took your plate with you to an empty table in the back. 

The echo from your loudly chewing embraced the whole room like a tender hug, from someone who's bigger than you. Also of course GPO-8 mechanic sounds from the rust on her wheels, maybe you should find her an engineer who could fix that? Anyways, your loud chewing continued whilst you finished your food till only the empty plate was left with some bones from the porgs. But when you tried to stand up you fell down again right on your butt, like gravities rules didn't apply to you. 

Your heart reached out towards something, like it physically went out of your chest to find it. Cold sweat started to appear on your forehead, just like when you woke up that one morning. Your limbs went numb, your tongue dry and everything you could think of was this blue light heading towards you, this calming feeling and yet so terrifying. You could not see what was beyond that wall of light neither could you hear anything except your rapidly beating heart. Silence was all, all you could think of to calm yourself. Was this a panic attack? anxiety? either way you wanted it to stop. Your ears was burning like someone tried to invade them by burning them with a fire torch. But all of a sudden you heard it 

"Hello?"

Your heart turned in your chest who the fuck was that?! You looked up at the food stand to see if it was GPO-8 who said something, but she wasn't there her shift was over. Before you could do anything all the feelings went away, and you were left with the cold grey hall full of tables. what was that? 

The clock: 0755

Oh shit! You were late for the meet up with Calum and Mista. You ran down the long corridors once again, down where they had told you to meet them. You unlocked the door with the black key, turned it around and when you opened the door the first thing you saw were light hanging from the ceiling. It was dark but light at the same time, like a miniature edition of the planet Coruscant minus the casino part of course. Then you heard your name being called from a little deeper into the 'janitor cabinet'. 

"You made it! Come on in, Calum and I are very excited for this!" 

She couldn't be in herself she almost jumped over to you, with her shoulder long red hair and her cute bangs wiggling on her forehead 

"What is this place guys? How did you get in here?

Stunned, you looked around like it was the first time you have ever seen lights like this and fancy bars. Calum came closer to the two of you, but his appearance had changed since the last time... his hair was a lot fluffier and the white t-shirt fell on him like his own skin. wow. 

"You see... Mista and I found this place when we were 13 years old and The First Order never knew about this 'secret door' so when we went on searches all around the galaxy we took treasures with us home" 

He continued while showing me around 

"This piece of gold bar, were the first we ever took. It was from a piece of slime who had over 10 droid as his servants, so we stole the gold and destroyed his droids... but the dearest we hold in here is this..." 

He and Mista lead me over to _the_ princess Leia's dress 

"Here... We found this on Tatooine in the basement of Jabba The Hut, after he died and THAT is something we treasure. Not because we are with the resistance..."

Calum glanced at Mista as for her to continue 

"We are just not _with_ The First Order a 100%. Sometimes we think there is more to the resistance, but most of the time our vow lies with The First Order. So don't mistake us for being traitors... please" 

You gave them both a comforting smile, you couldn't care less. Calum saw your weak side and now both of them let their walls down so you could see theirs. 

"Guys... I would _never_ betray you and turn my back against you! you were the first persons to ever speak to me, and I kinda like you... You make the days on this ship a lot easier"

They brought you into a big hug, you could feel their smiles on your neck and you couldn't stop smiling yourself. did this mean you were friends now? Or at least bonding on a deeper level than just acquaintances? Because this love you felt in this moment, was the love of a triangle friendship, who could last forever if every corner of 60 degrees would hold onto each other. 

"Guys you can let go now, guys?... guys! come on now, it's getting late. I'm back on duty for tomorrow so please, can I have some space?"

They loosened their grip on you, still holding the both of your hands 

"Of course! We don't want you to be tired in the morning! Now do we Calum?!"

You almost felt how Mistas eyes pierced through him, for him to say a word. 

"Oh yeah, of course you can go"

He leaned in and gave you a hug, same did Mista.

"Well bye guys!" 

You ran back to your quarters, and dropped your clothes beside your bed. You felt you body sink into the mattress like sinking into the quicksand on Jakku.

The clock: 0307 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon we will see Kylo, I promise!!!


	4. Take Off That Stupid Helmet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at work again, not to say the least a big meeting coming up with the Commander...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: traces of non-consent sexual acts.

You were a sinking ship wreck in the middle of the ocean, Phasma was about to enter your door any minute now and drag you down to the head quarters, for your meeting with The Supreme Leader. How you wished you had never hesitated on that ramp at your first search, you were petrified at the thought of meeting him face to face... He was holding your destiny in his leather gloved hands, he could shove you right out of this ship and you would never see a living soul again. But it was _you_ who was stupid enough to even let the thought slip through your mind about _the light side_ a foolish child with a hope for a better future... not running around killing civilians. 

You brushed off the thoughts from your hard working mind, and took on your working clothes which was made of plastoid composite body armour over a sealed black body glove. It took ages to put on because of all the 18 pieces you had to put on individual, not to mention the helmet which was made of a four layered construction. The outer layer was made of plastoid composite armor, the next layer was an anti-blaster mesh, followed by magnetic shielding, and finally an inner insulator. You could hardly breathe and your voice sounded like you were choking on ashes. With all the pieces on you sat at your desk doing some work on journals for elite Troopers, at least you could use this dying waiting time reasonable. 

"FN-3467 are you ready to leave? They won't be waiting forever for you."

Phasma... It was time, your life was officially over. 

You nodded and followed her heels tight down the hall. Your heart was racing before you almost running a marathon around the galaxy, you couldn't keep up with her. The rapidly shaking body limbs made it hard to think of anything, except all the terrible stuff that could happen in 5 minutes from now on. 

"We're here now, act like you at least aren't afraid of the slightest shadows. Okay?" 

You nodded, trying to stiffen up your posture. The enormous steel doors opened in front of you with a hissing sound. 

The first thing you saw was General Hux Yelling at his subjects, trying to hunt down The Falcon, beside him stood that same elite Stormtrooper who had searched your quarters just half a day ago. Yet no Kylo Ren was in eye sight, was the meeting just with General Hux? 

Hux turned around to greet Phasma 

"Phasma. I see you brought me FN-3467."

"Yes General, as I requested she must speak to The Commander immediately." 

Hux walked around you in circles, almost sniffing you like a cat. 

"I see... The Supreme Leader will be here shortly, anything else I should know about?"

"No General, no further informations are required. Unless FN-3467 has something to say?" 

They both looked at you, searching for you to say something, anything that might mess up this case even worse. 

"No Captain Phasma and General, there is nothing more to say"

You bowed your head, hoping they wouldn't ask any further questions. 

You studied the room in case this was the first and the last time you ever were to put a foot in here again. The walls were black with grey stripes through them, with a white floor so clear you almost could see yourself and when you looked forward you saw a huge window, that spread through the entire front of the ship. You could see the whole star panel your were travelling through. But the one thing that caught your eye was the large tear in the wall, like there were a fight in here and someone left a remarkable answer after that. 

"The Supreme Leader will see you now, follow me" 

You and Phasma followed Hux into the private meeting room were 10 of his subjects ran out with terrified expressions on their faces.

"Commander, Captain Phasma is here to discuss some matters about FN-3467"

"Bring them in. and General Hux you may go back to your duties on this deck." 

Hux bowed and returned to his duties, while Kylo Ren waved us inside.

"Captain Phasma. Tell me about these so called matters."

Kylo Ren leaned down in his chair while You kept standing and Phasma took a place in a chair too. In that Moment you forgot how to breathe, totally fossilized in place. What were you to do with your hands and posture, awkwardly just standing there. 

"Supreme Leader, this Stormtrooper showed her weakness on the ramp this last Monday. FN-3467 hesitated to go out and start her search and couldn't even kill a child in front of her, I think we may have to start re-programming her. Take her into rehab." 

Kylo stood up, he was almost as tall as a Wookie. His body mass was massive, and his hissing breath beneath the mask gave you shivers down your spine. He walked towards you, stood right in from of you and looked down. He studied you. He studied your figure, the inside through your hidden eyes like he tried to read your mind, see your weakness or something else. 

"This Stormtrooper, was it their first search?"

Kylo glanced at Phasma now standing in front of her chair.

"Yes Commander. FN-3467 has been training from the age of 1, She was the best of her generation until last Monday."

Kylo looked at you again the tension rising with every second that passed. 

"Very well Captain Phasma, I will take FN-3467 into my personal cases. You may leave us alone now, and wait for my commands till you start anything with this Trooper" 

"Yes Supreme Leader, we'll stay in touch"

Phasma walked out the room, leaving only Kylo Ren and you left. He went back to his chair and sank into it while pushing his cabe back against the backrest.

"Come closer"

You swallowed the gathering saliva from the back of your mouth and took marching steps towards him, walking like you had this situation under control even though you were beyond terrified. He slightly touched the edge of his lightsaber, like a threat for me to keep things real. 

"Take off that stupid helmet of yours, let me see who you are" 

You stood for a second anticipating wether to keep it on or follow his command. Your helmet clicked and you took it off. You ruffled your hair and gave him a steady grimace, when all you wanted to do was actually cry your eyes out. 

"Now that's better"

You could feel his eyes were locked on your face, intimidating. His head tilted a little to the side and then to the other.

"I can not read your mind... Why don't you go ahead and tell me what happened instead?"

"Y-you... I was nervous and couldn't comprehend that the search was already starting"

Your posture stiffened. 

He just glanced at you, lifting himself up slowly from his chair coming closer to you, step by step you sank into the depths of his mask almost like disappearing into a cold, black nothingness till he stood in front of you, a head taller.

"Why are you lying to me?"

He tilted your head up with his index finger on your chin, making you look right into his eyes.

"I-I'm not lying to you I-"

"lies."

He squeezed your jawline tight, so tight it could leave a bruise right there, right now. 

"Listen up FN-3467. From now on you work for _me_ , forget about Phasma she will only train you"

You couldn't say a word you just stood there, mouth wide open.

He grabbed your throat pushing you up against the wall, so close to his face that you could hear the little glitches in his voice changer.

"And if you _ever_ disobey me, you don't want to see what will happen." 

He forced you down on your knees facing directly at his crotch, where he was holding the boner in his pants back. 

"Can you see what you do to me? Being such a waste of my time. Coming here because you were 'hesitating'"

He pushed you into his growing bulge in his pants, shouting under his helmet

"A WASTE OF TIME!" 

He zipped down his zipper to his pants taking out his hard member, already dripping with precum from the sensitive pink head. He traced over his shaft with his thumb.

"Suck it."

You looked up at him with pleading eyes

"Commander please, n-no"

But he was too determined on what he wanted, he couldn't even spare a moment to think. But after all he was The Supreme Leader. 

"Suck it, now!"

You gave in at last, pleasing him with your tongue twirling around his head, taking him full. He grabbed your hair and began taking up the speed with your head, so fast that you choked on his long cock tasting the flesh in the back of your throat, but you kept going. You looked up at him while sucking him, you could hear the gentle moans escaping from his helmet. 

"Hmmh... Fuck yeah, keep going" 

He began thrusting into your mouth as he reached his climax, going steady with a few last hard thrust until he came in your mouth. The cum was dripping from the edges of your lips down on your chest.

"swallow it, taste me"

You sank it all down your throat making a gag grimace.

"Now that's a good girl"

He took the rest of his cum on his leather index finger and made you lick it off, _to clean yourself_.

"Here is your helmet, put it on and leave"

He turned around and walked to the big window in the back. 

You could feel the smirk behind his helmet, what a fucking bastard! No wait, you were the fucking idiot! Sucking off The Supreme Leader himself... no one could know about this, not even Calum or Mista.

You marched out the room while you were trying to look professional, as you walked down the corridors to your quarters. It was already late, Calum and Mista was long gone from the cafeteria so you figured that you'd just head to bed. This day has been pretty rough after all.

The clock: 0307

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh Kylo Ren!!!! We will see more of him from now on!


	5. Gone For 72 Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where are they? What are they doing... Leaving me behind?

It's been 3 days since you last saw Calum and Mista, as far as you had heard there wasn't any new searches in the calendar until next week? What could they possibly be doing? How you didn't hope they had left you behind to die alone on The Finalizer, with Kylo Ren and General Hux, you swore that if that was the case you'd find them and bitch slap them. Hard. You also knew that the only reason why you didn't want them to leave, was because of the damage you had put onto yourself. Your weakness, the horrifying nightmares you had at night waking up with cold sweat shaking. How could you ever deal with that pain alone? You had to open up to someone about it, or else it would kill you from the inside. 

Maybe they were just on a secret mission? A mission for General Hux and the Resistance droid? Anyways you were _left_ alone. Did they even call you their friend? or was it all in your mind, behind that broken glass of a soul with too many traumas to hold? You wished for a better life, somewhere safer. Some place where The First Order of The Resistance couldn't reach you, a place were peace collided with the restlessness in your mind and made you whole again. Gathered the broken pieces.

You tossed the thoughts away, and focused on marching down the long corridors with the rest of the Stormtroopers. Scanning for any source of suspicious behaviour among The First Order, not that you thought anyone could be undercover listening to every plan General Hux and his little army had. 

A Stormtrooper pulled up beside you marching in your steps. They turned their head looking at you only, they didn't even look at the road ahead of them. Then you realised that it were that stupid Elite Trooper again, did he follow you now? Did Captain Phasma hire a personal guard to her little pet that couldn't figure out shit? I guess...

You spoke under your breath, hoping no one would hear you except for him. 

"What do you want from me?" 

You turned to look at him

"Oh FN-3467. It is my duty to follow Troopers who are going through a rehab program" 

Looking around you tried to find a little escape route up to the front guys, but there were none. It was too crowded between these steel walls. 

"Rehab? Who told you that?"

"Simply just General Hux, he commanded me to keep an eye on you. He does not trust you being around" 

You gave out a little snort. 

"Well you can tell General Hux to fuck himself."

You turned around the corner down another hallway trying to escape the conversation replaying on your mind, what did that bastard of a Trooper want? He was after something, that much did you know... But what exactly it was, you had no idea. 

You marched down the empty hall when you got this overwhelming feeling again. Like your heart reaching out, you did really not want this to happen right now. You fell to your knees holding your hands tight around your helmet, trying to make the pitchy ringing stop but it wouldn't. Your helmet gave a click and then you swung it into the wall holding it with your right hand steady, like a pillar to lean on. 

"a-argh! Make it stop"

You felt the tears pressing behind your eyelids, but you wouldn't let them come through... No sign of weakness. Though this awareness of an outer force trying to come in contact with you kept pulling you in, into the darkness filled with blue stars, a blue light, maybe even red? 

You saw a place, a place implanted in your mind by something maybe even someone. There were sand everywhere and two suns setting in the horizon, what was this place? A sense of home, but not your home someone else's home like you invaded their mind for a millisecond and then it disappeared again. 

"You saw it too?"

You choked on your own breath, the same person. The very same voice.

"Yes"

You tried to look around to se if anyone was there, or anyone tried to scare you. Maybe that Elite Trooper were messing with you, behind some door.

"No"

"No?"

"I can't figure out what this is... I can't sense you"

Glancing around, they were talking to you. But how?

"I can't sense you either... You're like a flower in the mist"

You hugged your helmet tight to your chest, trying so hard to recognize that voice.

"Is it the force that is connecting us?"

"I-I won't deal with this, I have to go!" 

All the senses went away as quickly as you put back your helmet, ready to head to the cafeteria. 

"Hey GPO-8, have you seen NH-2442 and NT-6645? They have been gone for 3 days now"

She scooped up your food, hesitating with an answer.

She said your name calmly with gentle eyes 

"You see... I think they went away on some galaxy mission in a TIE fighter. I don't know if they'll be back."

Scooping one last portion of mashed potatoes onto your plate she gave a comforting mechanic sound, trying to lift the fading smile on your lips and the darkening of your eyes.

"Thanks GPO-8... I will keep my fingers crossed for their return."

You walked down to an empty table, walking through the masses of Stormtroopers in their cafeteria clothes. They all were bonding and having fun, like they always had but today it annoyed you a little bit more, since your friends hadn't returned yet. 

Slowly you scooped the fork into your mouth eating the watered mashed potatoes, the food weren't that great considering your status in the hierarchy. You guessed that only the best of the best had that luxury of well made food. You didn't care enough to complain, after all the only thing you could think off was the mysterious voice. What if the force was connecting the two of you? Trying to bring a message through that you were supposed to deliver to someone, give someone a clue about something important going on. It was hard to tell, either way you did not like it. The constant fear of getting into that dark state of mind again seeing through another persons memories, holding raw information about another being... it scared you. Anyway you couldn't fight it, it was only growing stronger within you, getting clearer by each time that _someone_ was on the other side of that connection. Still hard to believe in such things that the force had chosen you to connect with someone, you preferred to call it 'luck' instead of the force. Such huge words didn't belong in your saying or in the appearance of a rehab Stormtrooper who betrayed her own Captain at the first search. What did you even serve The First Order with? a restless mind searching for a better purpose in life than being stuck on this ship with the Supreme Leader... Oh shit! Kylo fucking Ren! 

You had totally laid the memory of that behind you, how you were sucking him off in the throne room. 3 days passing by, and now you remember it? You rather forget about it, erase that memory from your mind forever! He would _never_ lay hands on you again not even just the smallest shoulder bump, you were already done with him. General Hux too. 

You felt ignominious... Like you were just an unimportant piece in his game, that Kylo could just toss around with and it wouldn't bother you or suffer from his actions. He didn't care for anyone except himself, a foolish child who had so much power in his hands that he could destroy a whole solar system. You would not bend for him, not for one second. He could go fuck himself and throw himself off the ramp, after all he had done it would hurt his soul more to deal with the screams of dying civilians more than anything in this world. 

you found yourself walking towards your quarters, after sitting for hours just... thinking in the cafeteria chair.

The clock: 0307

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Calum and Mista ever return? who knoooows hehe


	6. Playing By The Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phasma is back with orders from The Supreme Leader about your 'rehab'.... Still no sign of Calum and Mista or?

"Get your blaster we're leaving to the fighting pitch"

Surprised by her sudden appearance you quickly grabbed your stuff and followed her heels tight. 

"Orders from The Supreme Leader, you are starting from scratch, now you learn how to fight"

In your head you were stumbling over words trying to find the right one to use, in a conversation like that. You did not really want to take a part in this whole, rehab thing... You were just fine, killing just wasn't your cup of Bantha milk. 

"C-Captain Phasma, if I may ask... Why aren't we heading to the public fighting pitch?"

She turned around her shoulder slowly, holding a steady gaze facing down on me.

"Because"

She hold a short pause before continuing 

"General Hux wants you to fight his Elite Trooper, NV-0060"

No... that couldn't be right, the same Elite Trooper who had searched your whole room for some dumb droid shit? And now you were to fight him? In a fucking fighting pitch?! You never stood a chance before his feet. 

When you arrived at the pitch the first thing you saw was the back of General Hux head, beside him stood NV-0060. You were holding your breath so long you thought you could have fainted, just by listening to the fast beating in your eardrums of your own heart. Petrified you stood looking, behind the mask soaking wet from sweat and tears... He could destroy you with one shut from his E-11 Blaster Rifle. 

"I see you brought us NF-3467. Please bring them into the pitch and we shall begin."

Phasma laid her hand on your shoulder blade following you tight onto the pitch floor, which was made of steel metal and a red rubber floor making each type of floor layer around in one big circle. The light that was coming through gave the atmosphere a dim light to it, like you couldn't see but at the same time you could. 

Phasma leaned in towards you 

"A little pro tip, don't get shot. It would look bad on The Supreme Leader"

She walked away laughing loudly and joyful like it was the best joke she had ever made, beside that _The Supreme Leader_ could shove you off a ramp as long as you didn't have to look at him again. 

"Okay, gather up Stormtroopers. The rules are simple. No bending down for a better shot, no hands on each other, keep on your helmets and if _I see blood_... I will kick your ass harder."

Hux looked at both of us, nodding in approval of his empowering Elite Trooper.

"Begin"

NV-0060 came running towards you, holding his blaster in his hands ready to fire. You ducked under his arms like a little duckling running from danger into the corner. You were fumbling with your blaster... You had never used this one before. No mercy was shown, NV-0060 was holding through his stamina never resting for a second in a corner, he just kept trying to tear you down piece by piece of your armor. 

You turned your back to him for a millisecond but he was sneaky, he came up from the back of you and took your blaster from your shaking hands intertwined with each other to keep a better grip on the blaster... didn't turn out to be the right choice though. 

"NF-3467! Remember to block with your body and shoulders, like you did 1 year ago when you were in training school. Shoulder hit, uppercut and then you tighten his hands behind his shoulder and then you FUCKING KILL HIM!"

You panicked frozen in place, how did you move your body again? But before you realised you needed to think about your actions you took NV-0060 by his arm and twisted him down on the floor laying on top of him, pinning both of his arms to the rubber floor.

"NF-3467, get off of him! You are breaking the rules."

You shut Phasma out, you didn't cared you had this bastard right where you wanted him, now you had the chance to expose him. You struggled for a while to keep him steady under you, but with a click his mask came off. The hissing sounds from the reproducing oxygen slipping out radiating towards your face making your helmet fog up so you couldn't see.

But then it all became clear. Your face expression fell to the floor, you couldn't believe your own eyes.

"Calum?"

You sat aghast at the sight beneath you, so he was here all along? Pretending to be someone else...

He said your name calm looking up at you, but it was too much to handle with no time on your hands. You ran out of the pitch towards your quarters ready to lock yourself up, in the middle of the afternoon. You heard Calum's footstep in the distant trying to keep up your pace. 

"Please wait! I-I can explain _everything"_

He kept yelling your name across the long corridors with the echoing vocals in your name, you wanted so desperately to turn around and give him the biggest hug because you had missed him so much. You must fight the bait, he was not the one he pretended to be, he did not deserve your forgiveness or friendship. What was next? Was Mista The Supreme Leader?

You locked yourself up in your room, throwing the 18 pieces of armor all around your floor and just throwing yourself on top of your bed. You had no tears to cry with, just the numb feeling of losing someone that you had just given your trust and completely shown your weakness in font of. He could turn against you anytime soon, with juicy information to Kylo Ren and you would be dragged into the thrown room again... alone, cold... you shook off the replaying memory the best you could. 

Outside your room Calum stood banging on the steel wall, thinking that if he knocked hard enough maybe you would let him in, well guess what... If he wants back your friendship he'd better have some legend story to tell. 

"Go away Calum"

"Please just let me explain, I never meant for you to find out this way"

You stood up walking towards the door, peeping through the little look out hole. It was him, Calum. Those emerald green eyes and his brown fluffy hair sticking to his sweaty face.

You slightly opened the door, just enough to see him and the other way around.

"Please just go Calum... I-I can't deal with this right now"

He said your name in a serenely tone of voice choice.

"Just one word, and I will go away... One word to describe this whole mess"

You nodded.

"Hux"

He glanced at you with pleading eyes, and then he walked away. You closed the door behind you and fell to the floor, what a mess.

You tippy-toed over to your bed laid all flat over it, tugging the duvet up between your legs like hugging a motherly figure. 

The clock: 0446

"It's never too late for a nap I guess"

Your eyelids became heavy and of you went to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon we will know what is so important about 0307!!


	7. We Return To Your Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These connection things are getting worse... Doesn't help when Kylo decides to show up.

You woke up feeling nausea with sweat dripping from your forehead down on your soaking wet pillow, cold sweat again... But worse. Your stomach was turning around itself making bubbly noises, your acid reflux kept triggering your regurgitation like you were to throw up any second now. Your hands were sticking together, trembling, shaking, unable to lay still so you walked around your room trying to focus on your breathing, but the hyperventilation wouldn't calm you. This time it was bad you had never felt this kind of 'connection' before, your heart didn't reach out instead it was like something... Someone was trying to reach into _you_ trying to make you see, trying to make you feel any sort of emotion from the other end. 

You checked the clock, it must be morning by now.

The clock: 0307 

It was nearly dawn, why had you woken up this early? You never had trouble sleeping before or waking up at crazy hours in the middle of the night, it was like you weren't even yourself at this moment. You put on your cafeteria clothes and jogged through the long corridors, trying to reach the end before fainting on the floor. You needed someone to talk to, someone who might had answers to your feelings... But the only persons you could think of weren't there, or Calum was but you weren't ready to hear his explanation. Not yet. Mista wasn't here either, so the only one you could think of were GPO-8 she always had your back in times of need. 

"GPO-8!"

You squealed running into the cafeteria.

GPO-8 looked confused at you saying your name under her breath calm while she was cleaning for tomorrow.

"What is it now dear?"

You laid your arms across the bar on the food stand, taking in a deep breathe.

"I-I'm... I am feeling this sudden urge, t-this connection so something- eh someone and I don't know what to do"

"You know I am a robot right? Human feelings are out of my league, you must breathe properly now"

How were you supposed to take all this in?

"I know GPO-8, I just don't have anyone else to turn to right now..."

She looked at you with a mechanic glimpse of human interaction with you, but right before she spoke you stopped her. A ringing went through your head like a high pitched static microphone chord. 

"I see where you are"

You turned around instantly looking around the cafeteria, making sure no one was there. True enough... No one. 

"What are you doing in the cafeteria for Stormtroopers? Talking to a stupid droid?"

"I-I just stumbled into the cafeteria... You know nightmares and such"

It was like you could feel their eupnea running down your spine, shivering at the thought. 

"I ponder if you are someone with a meaning to them, since this keep happening"

Your breath stopped for a second...

"Oh... I am no one"

"No one?"

"No one." 

It all ended, the feelings and shivering all went away after that very sentence. 

GPO-8 said your name peacefully while her wheels screeched by trying to follow you out the door, but you were already gone. 

On your way back to your quarters your mind wandered off to some place far away, who could this mysterious person be? And why did the force choose you? A girl from nowhere with no story at all to her human being, a girl who had been programmed from 1 year old to become an imperial stormtrooper, who's only purpose was to kill and make up the mistakes from The First Order. You were so sick and tired of it all, why did you have to train with Phasma again and even with Generals Huxs little pet also called Calum or should you say NV-0060?

You stood in front of your door to your quarters when you heard heavy footsteps approaching in the distance, you did not dare to look or make any movement at all you knew who this was and he knew you too. It was Kylo Ren, marching down the hall with his right hand on his lightsaber. Just stay calm you thought to yourself, he won't notice you... At least not in that clothes. 

He came closer by the second so close you almost could smell him, the burning fire within him wrapped around his soul, intertwined with evil and the dark force... If one did not fear this man they would be dead by now, because they can't fear anyone in their grave. 

"What are you doing on deck this early?"

He stood right behind you, the static from his mask whispering in your ears. 

"Nothing Supreme Leader, just taking a walk. Couldn't sleep"

"I see"

He traced down your spine with his index finger leaving goosebumps all over your body, for every inch he climbed he came closer to you. His stomach almost touching your back. 

You took a deep breath in.

"I guess it is time that I return to my room..."

With one arm he turned you around and pushed you up against the steel door, took your hands up above your head and pinned them there. Spreading your legs wide open with his knee in between them barely touching you but still made you quiver under him. 

" _we_ return to your room"

He used the force to open the door behind you and you fell into your room, with Kylo pushing you over to your concrete bed. He made you sit on the edge of the bed with your legs dangling from it, you felt so small looking up at him. What did he want?

He tilted your head up with the use of his index finger and thumb, making you look directly into the cold nothingness of his helmet. He took your hand and placed it on his hard bulging cock under his robes, making you squeeze your thighs together to try and calm your growing lust. You know you shouldn't feel this way, but you were so hungry, for something so unexplainable. 

"You want it, don't you?"

You made a small nod with your head, trying not to hold eye contact with him. Looking anywhere else then directly into his helmet.

"Beg to suck it"

You shook your head, never would you beg for it. 

He grabbed your hair and pulled your head backwards making you look right up into the ceiling, holding a tight grip not letting you go. You whined from the pain, causing a small teardrop to roll down your cheek. 

"Beg. To. Suck. It"

"P-Please Commander, let me suck your cock"

He hummed pleased y your innocent words slipping from your lips.

"Such a good little girl"

He zipped down his pants exposing his hard boner already begging to be sucked.

You looked up at him before grabbing all of his length in your hands and took it in your mouth, slowly sucking it back and forth making Kylo give out static moans from under his helmet. You began to suck faster while giving assistance from your hand going in circular formations up and down his shaft.

"H-hmmh such a good girl"

He started thrusting into your mouth making his cock touch the back of your throat, gagging on your own saliva you continued sucking him off. He grabbed your hair while thrusting into you making him go faster and faster, till he came on the edge to his climax. 

"F-fuck!"

You knew it was about time for his peak so you used your tongue to slide up under the back of his hard cock making him cum in your mouth. You swallowed it all while looking up at his helmet, giving a little smirk while using your thumb to take of the excess and then suck on it, sensually and slowly knowing he watched you under his helmet. 

"Thats right, little slut"

You moaned softly, still sucking on your thumb. 

Kylo Looked at the clock, and then back at me. 

"I must go." 

Then he walked out of your room, leaving no trace behind him and once again you were left feeling disgusting, unworthy... Like you were just his little servant on the side for those boring nights. But it was... Fine? You weren't of that much use at the moment anyway to The First Order, might as well just suck The Supreme Leader off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying my best to write the best possible smut here! please bare with me :)))


	8. Let's Talk, okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give in... You can't be mad at him forever, right? You could at least listen to what he had to tell.

This last week had been awful... Training with Phasma almost every single night trying to make the cut for the next search, or else you'll be set off duty for a whole 3 months! What was you supposed to do then? How could you stay in your room with barely enough money to survive on, if your job got taken away. You sighed... Either way you had no choice but to follow the rehab plan and hope for the best. 

It was early morning fellow stormtroopers were meeting in for the morning shift, some were getting ready to fly the TIE-fighters. Apparently overnight Hux had gotten some information about the Resistance, and where they had their head station. You were kind of jealous... In some mysterious way you really wanted to see, to hear someone from the Resistance. Ever since you were a kid the only thing you had ever known was this god damn ship, barely even left it and when you did it was for searches (or _one_ search) to reap everyones homes. For once you would just really like to be that person someone counted on to reach them in time, someone who were trusted by any people and looked up to... But here you were, stuck on the Finalizer under the command of The Supreme Leader and his substitute General Hux, not even to mention Captain Phasma. 

You followed your after your section of troopers down the long halls, marching close by each others heels. You were once again searching for something under the radar, something illegal to The First Order and your job was to end it to _them_. 

Seconds became minutes and minutes became hours, the long shifts were killing you. The helmet gave you barely enough oxygen to breathe and the warm corridors didn't help from being all sweaty under your black clothing and 18 pieces of armor. But then the from troop stopped and looked cautiously under the flooring on the Finalizers deck, right there under all those wirings and mechanic stuff 4 unwanted travellers were found hiding from The First Order, trying to get technology from us. 

You heard tasing up front but you couldn't hear what they were talking about, or what they exactly had found.

"NF-3467?"

You raised a hand in the air making you seen. 

"Come up here, this honour is yours"

You walked up to the front passing every single line of stormtroopers feeling their eyes rest on you as you walked.

When you reached the front you saw 4 small Jawas, they had probably sneaked on board while we were on Tatooine for the search. You knew how these small creatures worked, they gathered metal, technology, droids and stuff like that to sell and earn money. But they also stole a lot and The First Order didn't tolerate that, at all. Mostly because if the ship missed a connection to a cannon they wouldn't be as much prepared for the next battle and then also because killing was a way of fun up here. 

"You may take care of them" 

Take care of them? Did he mean... Kill them? 

"Why are you just standing there?!" 

Afraid to take a breath you pulled out your blaster holding it straight pointer at the small Jawas, thinking to yourself i _t is just Jawas._ Yes that was true, just some small creatures stealing and taking, why was it so hard? 

"NF-3467, pull the damn trigger."

You blinked one or two times under your helmet before shooting the first shot, exhaling you shot another one, another one and then the last one. Your hand was shaking in the still air, heart beating in the top of your throat... This was not how you planned your morning to go.

"Clean them up, after that you may end your shift"

They quickly marched away leaving you left with the cleaning to be done.

You found some black plastic bags and some tape. You put them down in the bag and taped them well together so the bag wouldn't open on the way to the ramp room, where you could dump off the bag. 

Walking into the ramp you heard someone put a foot in between the closing doors whispering your name.

"Would you please listen to me?"

You turned around looking at the person now standing in the same room as you.

"Calum... I want to, but I don't know if I can"

You continued to prepare the ramp.

"If you would just _listen_ to me, the you would understand this mess"

The ramp opened up and a harsh breeze followed in, you dumped the Jawas giving them a blow kiss on the way out. At least they could have a nice farewell from this ship. 

You took off your helmet looking at Calum in his cafeteria clothes, standing right in front of you.

"But I am not ready yet"

He looked at you with pleading eyes while you started walking down to your quarters with your helmet under your arm, keeping your head raised. You walked down the North wing, when Calum pushed you in behind a door, it was _the_ room from the first day you officially became 'friends'. 

Again he said your name but this time it was more aggressive and desperate.

"Let's talk, okay?"

You nodded slowly sitting down on one of the boxes that contained tons of treasures from around the galaxy. 

"Do you remember that droid? The droid General Hux had found and thought might contain important information? Yeah well it disappeared... So he came to me, took my old stormtrooper name from when I was training to be an Elite Trooper, but never made it."

He took a deep sigh.

"And then he made me search your room... In case you had stolen it, since your weakness had been exposed."

Shocked you looked up at Calum pacing back and forth trying to make you understand every word.

"Okay... B-but how can I trust you? How can a droid just escape? How can someone not 'make it' to be an elite trooper... Make me believe you, please." 

You looked up at him, tears starting to form in your eyes. 

"Okay... I am not supposed to tell you this but Mista is alive. She is on some mission ordered by The Supreme Leader. What I don't know, but I hope she is okay"

Calum normally spoke in a steady and one toned voice, sounding really professional, he never stuttered, he never stumble over his own words... He talked so perfect like some programmed robot. Though in this very moment you felt his insecurity, his raw voice speaking so low and melancholy like he was actually a human. When you then saw a single tear drop caress his cheek you felt sorry for him, all the things he had seen over the years. H quickly dried off the tear with the back of his hand, sniffing.

"She is my only friend so as to say... I can't lose her" 

You stood up in front of him reaching out your hand for him to place it in yours so you could feel all his raw him, all his emotions. He glanced at you, giving you a soft smile and then placed his hand in yours. The you felt it... Clarity. He didn't lie he was being so truly and deeply honest with you, exposing how caring he could be. 

"I believe you Calum, now Let's wait in patience for Mista to return home."

You squeezed his hand tight before pulling him in to a comforting warm hug, wrapping your arms around him tugging him deep into your body caressing his back with your right hand and the left one nuzzled his hair. 

"T-Thank you"

He sniffled in the corner of your neck. 

"You're welcome" 

You left each others embraces and just looked, none of you said anything but you both knew that your smiles said more than words ever could explain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyy! A wholesome chapter!


	9. A Dangerous Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !TRIGGER WARNING!  
> (detailed description of a panic attack, line 18-30 numbers will appear on the line)
> 
> Now knowing about Mista and forgiving Calum was solved, other problem lured around the corner....

You walked down from the food stand side by side with Calum, you felt so great being on speaking terms with him again. The dining without him had been so lonely you almost forgot how to speak with him. 

You found a table in the middle of the cafeteria between.

"So are you going with us on the next search?"

Calum stuffed his mouth with mashed potatoes, looking directly into your eyes while chewing loudly.

"Hmm... I think Phasma wants to hold me here the next search out and help around the ship which every trooper gone"

"Aaaah, what do you think about that?"

You thought about the question for a while with wandering eyes around the cafeteria as if someone would just give you the answer.

"I mean it's okay? At least I don't have to search peoples homes here"

You laughed at your answer, trying to make up for that 'weakness' of yours.

"Don't worry. I will find some good treasures for you"

You gave Calum a big smile.

When you almost were done eating your food and placing the plates on the self-cleaner the speaker screeched with static before speaking. What could it be? 

"This is General Hux Speaking. NF-3467 is wanted in front of The Supreme Leader at 0430 this evening. Be there on time at the door to the head community"

The static went on again before echoing away from the cafeteria. You and Calum just stood there confused looking at each other but you were not the only ones... The whole cafeteria was looking at you whispering in the corners around, already sending off rumours about you. 

You clenched your teeth together trying to hold back the trembling of your body becoming numb and the tears starting to dwell in your eyes as you began to think about all the bad things that could happen or people would say. This was the worst timing, why now? What did he want from you this time? 

Calum walked you back to your quarters in silence he didn't know what to say or do, he was just as confused and scared as you. 

"So... You must get ready to see The Supreme Leader in like 3 hours and then I will return to my shift patrolling the deck"

He gave you a nervous smile leaving you. while you stood in front of your door to your quarters, he really tried... He did. 

When you reached the inside of your room you went straight over and grabbed your pillow just screaming not it, you refused to be Kylos little pet again just doing what ver he pleases. But at the same time if that was what kept you from going on searches... It was fine. You would rather suck him off once in a while... Or was that what you were trying to tell yourself instead of dealing with the obvious problem you had in your hands? You couldn't answer that, the main focus right now was to stay on this god damn ship and never onto the Command Shuttle ever again leaving to some deserted planet to destroy everything they have. 

But you must put on your amor no matter how afraid and nervous you were, there was no excuse. Just deal with it and then try to get the best out of it, you guessed. Still you searched for answers within you about yourself, about why a a person like you 'no one' could be such a problem to deal with? 

(18) Then an oppressive feeling pressed on your chest almost feeling like your ribs got pulled out, what was this feeling? Such an overwhelming race of feelings flowing towards you, like you couldn't sort them out. You tried to push all these feelings away physically by throwing your hands around the room but they said on you like clued feathers. Your thoughts were long gone and your breathing pattern became none existent as you tried to gasp for air, but none came in... Just a banging headache tearing you down till you were laying curled up on the floor, hitting yourself in the head with your hand trying to take control of your feelings. 

Unable to move, unable to breathe you just laid there. The side of your head turning purple from the constant hitting yourself and your lips blue from the lack of oxygen, you wanted this to stop so bad. So much agony running through your veins filling you like a cold watered river, how could this ever stop? 

Then you heard your door open up and in came someone running towards you sliding down on the floor, lifting you up in her arms holding you steady.

They said your name placidly 

"Come one breathe with me"

They inhaled one breath through her nose for 5 seconds, hold it for 6 seconds and then exhaled for 5 seconds, and then over again.

"Now you do the very same thing together with me, okay?"

Your first breath came in trembling and uneasy, but they kept guiding you right beside you holding you upright for better access for oxygen to pass through. They were right there beside you until your breath turned normal again and the agony went away with the tide. (30)

You looked up at the person above you who had helped you, but somehow you recognised their face... was that really?

"Mista?"

They said your name calm, wiping away a strand of hair from your forehead.

"Yes, I'm back home"

She smiled at you.

"Mista! Oh my god! I am to thankful to see you again! H-have you talked to Calum yet?"

"Oh! I am so glad to see you too! and yes I have, he told me to go say hi to you before the meeting with The Supreme Leader"

Oh fuck The Supreme Leader!

"Oh stars! I forgot! What is the clock?"

"Ehmm, like 04020"

You stood up immediately turning to the clock.

"I need to hurry! Can you please bring me my helmet?"

Mista threw your helmet across the room to you and you put it on. You ran out the room shouting back at Mista.

"We will talk soon!"

You made it just in time for the meeting in front of the doors when a Trooper came to open it. You walked straight ahead towards to Hux

"You are here. The Supreme Leader is in there"

Hux pointed to a soundproof door waving you away with a hand gesture. 

You swallowed the saliva from your mouth and walked towards the door, your heart was beating so fast. But you knocked on the door and in you went. The room was dim with steel walls and black flooring with some red striped forming a square in the middle of the room, but when the light turned all the way up you saw Kylo standing beside a chair of some kind. 

"NF-3467."

You gazed at Kylo standing only 5 feet away from you.

"Be my guest"

He pointed at the chair beside him, you did really not like where this was heading but you couldn't disobey him. You were a Stormtrooper after all with a purpose to serve under the command of The Supreme Leader.

You carefully sat on the chair, looking straight ahead... Do not show any sign of fear. But when the restraints locked around your arms and legs after you sat down you couldn't help yourself but let out a gasp. 

"Are you afraid?"

You shook your head.

"Hmmm"

He stood in front of you bowing down to meet your eye level.

"NF-3467, let's take off that helmet shall we?"

Kylo places both of his hands on each side of your helmet and pulled it off your head, exposing your shivering lips.

"What have you done to the droid?"

The droid? Did he still think it was me?

"Answer me!"

"I-I... Nothing! I haven't even seen the droid before"

"Really? Then why did one of my Troopers find this in your room?"

He held up a blue metal part from a droid with the number 2 on it. 

"I s-swear I have never seen it before!"

"Why. Are. You... Lying to me!" 

He threw the metal piece across the room making it hit the wall with a bang.

"I am not lying, I promise!"

"We shall see about that..."

He placed his hand in front of your face using the force to get into your mind, trying to find some sort of proof. 

You used all your power to keep him out, you fought through the tearing pain behind your skull. It was like he cracked every single bone in your body making it echo into your head, sending streams of agony down your spine. 

"Why can't I read your mind?"

You looked at him mouth agape.

"Don't fight it, just let me see"

He tried one more time, but this time it didn't hurt and you didn't have to use a single muscle in your body to restrain him from your mind. 

"I guess I am telling the truth then, huh?"

He looked at you, clenching his fists together.

"Now please stay out of my mind and let me go."

He was now inches away from your face.

"Be careful, you are playing a dangerous game..."

He lifted his hand ready to punch you in the head, but instead he laid his hand on your hair rubbing it with his thumb.

"You're nothing"

What? 

"You're nothing! You're useless to me!" 

He slammed his hand into the steel wall.

"You know what I do to useless people like you?"

He took in a deep breath.

"I end them."

You just sat there eyes dripping with water from your eyes, he made you feel worthless... again. 

He walked out the room furious with long stride steps determined to be as far away from you when he unlocked you with the force. You fell to the ground holding around your wrists, what was his problem? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A loot of dialogue in this chapter huh? anygay hope you guys liked it!


	10. The Battle On Takodana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is home and safe now, but Mista got something to tell...

You finally felt safe again with both Calum and Mista back, gosh you had missed them so much! But you feared that both of them held secrets that they could not tell you, they were loyal to The First Order... But then again you were their friend, right? 

You stumbled out of your bed trying to get the best out of the day, but you knew that in a few hours around this time tomorrow morning you would be on the Command Shuttle on your way to the next search. It teared you apart you didn't want to see those ugly actions done by humanity, neither did you want to do anything actually. Your mind kept playing the same movie clip over and over again, except this was reality Kylo Ren had threatened _you._ Called you nothing and waste of time, but it wasn't your fault that you didn't know about some droid who possessed something so valuable that he could kill for it. But at the same time you would really like to know about this droid... Just out of pure curiosity. 

Breakfast didn't find you, so you began to put on your clothes and walked towards the cafeteria. When you arrived you quickly spotted Calum and Mista sitting in the middle of the dining area, they sat between some Elite Troopers and some rookies who just had their first search. 

Something felt off but it wasn't the Elite Troopers or the rookies, it was coming from Mista... She was oddly quiet this morning. She always laugh and tell a trillion of bad jokes before even taking one scoop of food from her plate, but this morning she had already finished her food _even_ before Calum. Maybe it was in your place to try and talk to her?

"So... Mista! How did your secret mission go?"

You scooped in some more food and looked at her, waiting for an answer but there came none... Simply just a little shoulder lift. You looked at Calum desperately nodding at him for him to say something too. 

"Yeah Mista, how was it? You have been real quiet this morning" 

Calum looked confused back at me, both of us still waiting for the same answer now. 

Then Mista finally took a deep breath in before answering, eyes locked on her fork with some meat on. 

"Well have you guys heard about Takodana?"

She looked up at us with a questioning face, only to look at two confused faces.

"Okay then. Takodana is a lush green world in the galaxy's Western reaches, where the pirate queen Maz Kanata lives"

You had heard that name before somewhere, but you couldn't remember where so you just looked at Mista who still seemed gloomy. You gave Calum a glance, trying to make him lead the way onto the train track we both knew we didn't want to touch at the moment. 

"Tell us Mista, then why do you seem so blue? Wasn't it a great experience?"

Calum tried to keep eye contact with her from across the table, but as soon as his eyes met hers she looked away. 

You felt like you had to go a little more harsh on her, before she would tell. 

"Listen Mista. We are just trying to understand, what the fuck happened!"

Mista stared shocked right into your eyes, it was the first time you had ever raised your voice. 

"Mista come on! Calum and I are here to help you carry burdens... We are your friends and whatever you have seen we will help you cope"

You took her hand and placed it in yours giving it a gentle squeeze bringing a comfort to the atmosphere. Calum nodded beside you, gesturing for Mista to let her heart out.

"Okay... When some stormtroopers and I went in to search the castle through, we saw a lot of things... Like smugglers, brigands, scouts spies from numerous worlds."

She held a short break fumbling with her fork before continuing. 

"But the one thing that caught my eye were pictures of old children getting sold for slavery... Most of them from Jakku or Tatooine"

She looked at you and grabbed your right hand with hers, caressing the back with her thumb. 

"One of these children... I-I... I thought looked familiar. They looked like you..."

She said your name so soft and calm when looking into your eyes, looking for any sign of reaction from you. 

"That picture was of a 1 year old child who had been sold by her own mother and father, sold to the... The First Order"

Calum sat there between you he couldn't understand a word of the in the new knowledge. Neither could you... There was no way your own mother would have sold you, right? 

"N-No! It can't be me... It must have been some other"

You looked at Calum waiting for his nodding in agreement or anything.

He too said your name soft and calm, almost like a fairy whisper.

"I mean... It wouldn't be so strange. Most children get sold for droids or metal junks on those sand planets."

You glanced at both of them sitting with a nervous smile on their faces, they tried so hard not to make you upset but you already were. What else could they expect.

"I need to get some air..."

You walked out of the cafeteria down the long halls, tears streaming from your eyes. Now it all made sense how you became a stormtrooper... No one _stole_ you it was simply just your family who wanted shiny things, they didn't think you were enough for them. Maybe you could start seeing some truth around that theme, you were a failure like how can one simple Stormtrooper be causing so much damage just by living in her quarters cleaning and sleeping? It's like every move you made was being watched by cameras or little floor droids to inform the head quarters. 

It didn't help thinking about the search tomorrow, rumours were going around that Kylo Ren would be joining us... Taking a few notes on the training program for rookies and such, but just the smell of his leather made you wanna throw up. He just treated everyone with so little respect that it annoyed the shit out of you.

The day was still young breakfast was hours ago, but the clock still ticked and you still went on with the flow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> I will update it soon.


End file.
